It’s been snowing cottonwood fluff for the last two days…we have a serious accumulation and tomorrow may bring blizzard conditions! This usually goes on for several weeks. It’s always just before the peonies are chewed open by tiny brown ants and right when the allium and iris are in bloom…no small wonder that our property is loaded with cottonwood trees. Wild phlox and locust trees are blossoming…the air is incredibly fragrant.
Tonight I call my father and he is very confused. He wonders where I am and what happened to his wife. He tells me that he thinks we must not have a very good relationship–that he must have done something wrong because I don’t come to see him very often. I am momentarily defensive…”Dad,” I say, “I have to work. I have children and grandchildren and a husband and a home to take of and I live on the other side of the county, and I see you every week at least once.” He’s still not with me…”Why do you have to work?” he says. “Isn’t the money I make enough?” I see where this is going and tell him that I love him very much and that I think that we have a great relationship. I explain that I am working because I enjoy it and because I have financial obligations. Slowly, he begins to understand.
I realize that we are gradually letting each other go…and that he’s right…I don’t see him as often as I used to when I was doing his laundry, his grocery shopping, counting out his pills for the week and taking him to his doctor’s appointments. I miss him and do what I can to balance my life…sometimes it seems like so many plates are spinning at once–I wonder how we can hold on, even while we’re letting go…
Hold on to what is good
even if it is
a handful of earth.
Hold on to what you believe
even if it is
a tree which stands by itself.
Hold on to what you must do
even if it is
a long way from here.
Hold on to my hand even when
I have gone away from you.
What a beautiful and meaning poem…hold on to it. I listened deeply, and your father is sure of your love…you just have to remind him sometimes. He knows.